Uncensored: the Story Behind the Book Release.
Am I happy to have my perspective and experience finally validated in a librarian's favorite way--a book? Of course. Does it make me anxious? Of course. But the source of fear isn't where you'd think it's from. I have a habit of speaking my truth, regardless if it's documented or tolerated. I see it as only I can. I bring my whole self to everything I touch. It's a matter of fingerprints literally and figuratively.
Within the book, I recount my darkest days as a school librarian from 2020-2022 in the hotspot for book bans: deep in the heart of Texas, my home state. I discussed how my tenure as a head librarian at private educational institution led to nightmares, self-censorship and preservation as well as a battle for my career. Nothing trumps a lived experience via first hand knowledge and preserverance. During the height of the book-ban frevor, I felt like I had to chose between my existence, my survival, adherence to our first amendment rights and advocacy. Here's an excerpt:
"It's quite alarming that almost none of the advocates speaking out about censorship are from the Black and Brown communities, which contributes to the 'white savior complex' that a skewed media portrays. News reporters are not seeking out the very people whose literature is being discussed and banned, which also fuels the side in favor of censorship because it's a lot of White Americans debating over what's read and written for cultures they don't have any point of reference to evaluate. Students and teachers who may feel most directly attacked and endangered by today's book challenges are those whose outlooks and experiences have also been the least solicited." -Jean, Texas
It's hard to believe that was six years ago. The invisible pain from that part of my life, still bleeds as an open wound. I keep running out of band-aids. Healing's hard when the attacks keep coming. I overcame that tribulation, under the same cesspool administration as now. I moved, took on leadership roles in my state library organization that culminated in graduating from a leadership institute. I even received a promotion to an administrator role. The turn of events looked hopeful.
However, this time around instead of being censored by right-wing administration tactics, I found myself censored as a library administrator working in an environment unsupportive of library leadership but available for every photo-op to promote literacy because "Jean, optics matter." Optics matter...like when the Inquirer welcomed me to the city and y'all got mad? Those kind of optics? Because the over 100 emails from citizens within one the largest cities were thrilled to have a new Director of Libraries. Did those "optics matter?" What about the concern for these optics:
📋 Optics matter, unless a discriminatory executive order cancels the IMLS (Institute of Museum and Library Services) grant that necessitated the hiring of a new library director and the school administration folds quicker than a bad hand in Texas Hold'em and decides to discontinue work on the grant. This mattered to me because it was a huge investment in hiring and replacing library positions that would serve a variety of schools in the entire community of Philadelphia.
📋 Optics matter, unless the new library director asks for an updated library policies and procedures during these times of unprecendented books bans. The mattered to me because it seemed like every state had some sort of book challenge brewing in their communities and to be caught without adopted, binding guidance set the district up for all sorts of literacy ambushing.
📋 Optics matter, unless you're a result-driven employee in a sea of "this is how we do it here" leadership with zero percent library expertise, skills or insight into perils afoot on the literary horizon. This mattered to me because for years, the city of Philadelphia went without a leader of school library literacy to the point retired librarians took up charge through PARSL (Philadelphia Alliance to Restore School Librarians). A strategic leader with experience and quanitfied expertise on diverse literacy initiatives should have had input on anything library related.
📋 Optics matter, unless you ask for a library webpage for 24/7 updates on library literacy initiatives. This mattered to me because stakeholders in our community should be able to connect to resources, forms, important announcements and digital content anytime they desire to facilitate a joy of literacy and demonstrate transparency by the district.
📋 Optics matter, unless the public asks for the State of Library report you know exists because you wrote it, but it isn't released because the facts make the previous choices made by administration an ugly ordeal to be held accountable towards. This mattered to me because inventory is taken in just about all cataloged libraries, even those untouched for decades. We have to know where we are to know what to fix and where to grow.
📋 Optics matter, unless you ask for library budget or a thank you reception for countless volunteers (RIP, Corinne). This mattered to me because no library branch operates in the deficit with much success, and I felt an immense sense of gratitude to the organizations, associations and volunteer groups/individuals that supported the glaring omission of librarians in the school system for the last 20 years.
📋Optics matter unless there are 5 school librarians for over 200 campuses. This mattered to me because the cause/effect on literacy rates within the district took a preventable hit. It's been proven that having a certified librarian on campus increases literacy scores, as I cited in my report given on the state of libraries for the district.
📋 Optics matter, but not enough to get some glasses to see the situation for what it was/is/will be without guidance. Nor trust and empower the person they hired. This mattered to me because not trusting who was hired to fulfill the role served no one but allowed continued injustice for all.
"Jean, you're moving too fast." "You just want to hit the ground running, huh?" Oh the complacency within the cubicles of that building aren't worth missing.
Each one of those optics mentioned met indifference, silence or apathy--my goals left censored on the page that outlined them. Slighted and left out of meetings, my spirit broke. I left Texas thinking that a new hope, full of leadership and opportunities awaited, just to land in an environment less off than where I was, a non-existent budget, tone-deaf gatekeepers who allowed libraries to disintegrate and folks holding the reins that didn't have a clue what to do with me--a library director with 6-months, annual and 2-years goals. The grass wasn't green. It didn't grow where I watered. The remains of grass existed, just baren and broken. I gave all of myself until it was too much to endure. My health became my priority. I didn't run, but rested. I took a medical leave of absence after seeing the situation for what it was: structured opposition against library leadership with reasonable goals and expectations. True to form, I took solace in the public library. I had to censor myself until I felt aligned again. Reading to escape and center myself is how I recalibrated. Aside: I'm presently reading, my forever FLOTUS Mrs. Michelle Obama's The Light We Carry (Peguin Random House, 2024).
My local public library has fantastic resources. One morning, I went in to use the digital services, make some copies, etc. While at the copy machine, another library patron became impatient waiting. She huffed, puffed and then started saying inappropriate words and displaying assertive behavior. Little did she know, she had the wrong library, librarian and leader. Before it was all said and done, she was escorted out of the library by security before the police arrived and banned from returning to that location. My library director expressed true gratitude that I stood my ground, reported it and helped them "get rid of her for good. She's been so abusive to all of us [meaning library employees]." I managed to get someone banned from the library and I don't take that lightly because in a way that's a form of censorship. I never thought I would ever ban a patron, but she barked at the wrong time, against a librarian known for regulating safe spaces. It's what I do. And yes, she certainly was _____.
Turning back to the book, I'm cited saying that "students are citizens. They come to the library, sometimes silent and sullen, looking for answers and discretion. We are there to help them find the books they need." My hostile library situation is a flicker of the many moments of distress librarians encounter. Our society's shell-shocked, post covid, PTSD aura brings all types of social-emotional variables into the library. Every one should receive the help and necessary boundaries available to ensure a positive mindset is free to roam or poised to encounter within the community space. But library workers need protection. Please support the Library and Library Workers Bill of Rights.
I promise to always keep it real with my followers. It's a matter of honesty and transparency. No fake positivity here, but genuine accounts from my perspective. This website now has over half a millions views (547k at posting). To those who've watched me grow, thank you for loving on me, supportively.
To those who are haters, keep watching one click at a time.
To those fellow library leaders treading the waters with me, I have done just about every thing I can to advance our profession, yet I still find myself on the outside looking in to an environment I know I belong in ten-toes down. Each one of the optics I presented were goals of mine to accomplish within the first couple of years as a library leader. But when practicality is met with strain and inefficiency from sedentary administrators higher up the ladder, how does a lower-rung leader fight with honor while destitute for resources?
To those suffering from mental health woes, this too shall pass, and I listen as well as I write. Plus, I'm not just an advocate, I'm also a practicing mental health warrior. It's why I made sure when I was a librarian, those I served had mental health resources available in a safe space. This recount summarized the last few years of struggle as a librarian. I hope it inspires you to be free. Uncensor yourself.
The source of my anxiety about this Uncensored (HEP, 2026) release is that my dreams of teaching censorship on a collegiate level to upcoming librarians may some how slip through my fingers because I don't look the part...or am too "sapphire" in the selection committee's eyes. True passion rarely receives the reward. I have hella decades of experience, served on advisory boards, national committees, and as chairperson for various associations. I've served my truth, sharpen my tutelage, am citable, and sat on panels highly sought after with my intellect. But as Black women have known, we have to be 2-3 times as good as anyone else, while someone still stands in our way to block our light. I've only wanted to enlighten others with my message. But for the life of me, I stay on the outskirts hopping hurdles in leadership, all the while cheering on others who're more palatable. Quite honestly, my life ebbs and flows in and out of censorship. My connection to literacy is soul deep. Though the ceiling lowers its limits for me, I will continue rise. The powers that be want my benefits, but not my burdens. This is just a "window and mirror" into the last few years of my life as it relates to the book ban fiasco and library leadership (Dr. Rudine Sims-Bishop “Mirrors, Window, and Sliding Glass Doors,” 1990). It's a constant showdown of censored and uncensored proportions.
To conclude this release of uncensored thoughts, National School Librarian Month begins April 1, 2026. We're celebrating 40 years. If you really want to honor this librarian, check out or purchase Uncensored to read first hand what it was like during our "trial by book ban fire." Flip to pgs 44-47 for my story or check the index for all instances of my perspective. This is the first time I can cite myself in a book. 😎
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